leave you

stay hungry for this bite,
heavy breathing in a mess of sheets
everything moderated by the light
but the bulb has gone out

and if you say what you want, and i do what i do,
then we can keep going on and on but it won’t save a thing,
so tell me now,
tell me now,

Cause I need you when I need nothing like you at all.

stay here for my thoughts,
pour me another to keep us swimming,
i’m just saying what is always picked up on,
all your patience has gone out

and if you say what you want, and i do what i do,
then we can keep going on and on but it won’t save a thing,
So tell me now,
tell me now,

Cause I need you when I need nothing like you at all.


tell me now
tell me now
tell me now

Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

Everything that comes to mind I can’t say
I’d make you mine just to reach a smile on that face
I touch your body just to make sure i’m not going crazy
Keep myself in check cause I know I’m wasting

When every moment feels like beginning
We can only trust each other in hopes of not feeling
Cause I know you’re really with him just past this
And I’m just temporary, But I’m okay with it

Tear down a couple barriers with these shots
Little white downers that go with the xo
And mind is messed up, these streets gets rough
When all my words feel like left overs

I’m switching lanes trying to take it on myself
When every guy is jealous and every girl wants some
I’m building off the mistakes of what I’ve made
Trying to see all those better days

Trying to realize that i got all my family
My friends, these loves, that somebody sent for me
So If i mistake this world for something with no worth
I can at least know i have family who will keep their word.

Atrophy

I’m not spiritual. 
It’s for a lack of trying.
Merely a lack of whatever chemical alignment people possess for such experiences.
I would have done much to not be in said classification.
For the closest I have reached is when my emotions overwhelm.
It’s that slight flood of sensation, as nostalgia slips it’s blade between my ribs.
Then my mind atrophies into a brilliant spasm of broken thoughts.
I can lay in bed for hours and never catch sleep.
I can stay awake but never let exhaustion take me.
And when I’m inches from catharsis the sensation takes hold.
Numbness like stroke, grips what makes my blood flow.
And I feel lifeless.
And I feel dead to the world. 

(Source: themichaelryan)

Hollowed Out

Sometimes I crave someone who will really listen,
I smoke cigarettes to remember what you taste like,
And I sit and go though your damned journal,
What happened to me?
Cunt.

Dear Ryan,
I gave you this (blank) postcard last year, with no hopes in this lasting, but surprisingly it did. I can’t begin to explain how much better you’ve made my life. Shit you’ve  actually made me better. A year later we’re already fixing up your new room and I have no doubts when I look in your eyes and tell you I want to marry you. You are the best thing in my life, and never doubt me when I tell you i’m never going to leave you. I will always be here for you no matter what. This is what I want, I just know. When you ask me what makes this different, the only thing I can tell if that it is different. I couldn’t be happier than I am now.
Love,
Your Steph 

oh fuck

I’m resisting the urge again
Phone wrapped in my fingers
I gotta pretend to be stronger
And it’s useless either way
The voice on the other end may not have changed,
But the person didn’t stay the same
I look in the mirror but it betrays my own alteration

I’m strung out, Face in the pillow, Inside out
I can’t refrain from wondering if his hands feel better
And I dread to think he will touch where I did
But is he dark enough to let your light in?
I want you to remember my name until you fade away
I want twenty years to go by and you still my face
And you still remember the way I said your name
And called you everything that screamed love

I wanted you more than you could ever know
More than I knew until it all went away 
But i’m wrecked I can’t blame you for not wanting to be apart of the cleanup
I told you I was the best so you wouldn’t leave me 
But i’m a miserable wreck and it seems you caught on
I’m selfish and I lied to your face just to see if I could
Only to make the pain less inside
But it’s the same, No it’s worse
If I had known our last time would have been that I would have done it all better
And longer until all of our bodies were numb from the pain and stress undone
I take everyone for granted while i preach difference
I’m the most hypocritical notion and I can’t pretend different

Everyone’s claiming I’m such a good guy
Is that why I sleep all day and drink all night?
Is that why I can’t write a song that doesn’t resolve in minor strings?
And sadness creeping from between my teeth
It’s not that I lack confidence, I just can’t fathom my own weakness
Why i didn’t see your smile fake, and your love bleeding
I wouldn’t given you my name all I needed was patience
A lil strength when I was weak, and fuck it I wanted it more than rain
And the way it plays on my window sill when i can’t sleep
When I dream of night’s where we were still beside each other
My lips catching flame with yours
And our words don’t seem as hollow as the cinema sweeps it to mean

I just wish I had fought the right battles
It real and it’s true that nothing will change it now
You won’t even hear my voice cause you’re afraid you’ll fall down
You just don’t want me picking you back up
I get it ya know, Sometimes I want to be strong ya know
But it doesn’t change the weeks that feel like minutes
And that last moment where I feigned strength
I shut you off before you could shut me down
I know now I needed to fall hard to understand
And write better songs that mean more
I just wish the words weren’t of you
I wish it was another girl that didn’t mean what you do
But the truth is my voice would have been hollow
And the songs would’ve been faked longer and longer

So now I have something to really sing about
And it just took all this pain and the feelings that creep in and out
Cause I took my closest friends for granted cause I thought i could be above it
He always said “We’d transcend reality”, now i know we have to be apart
And I gotta go alone, Past everything I’ve ever known
And it tearing me apart feeling so disconnected 
I just wonder if it’s a waste
Like the words just betray more weakness
And more feeling you can’t even relate too
I just want you to reach out one more time and help me
I’ve buried myself in other women but it doesn’t feel the same
When they call my name they only know what I tell them
Where you called me out and never let me get away with it
You loved me so good I’ll never forget
I never wanted you to have satisfaction of winning
But i’m lying to myself If i tell you that you didn’t.  

rant

Has my mind been playing games
My fingers not fast enough to portray
I’ve been scared of being honest since before i could lie
It’s like telling people that i’m not the same inside
And it freaks em out a bit
Takes them down a bit
But i can’t pretend to be something i’m not

I have a heart, i keep wearin it on my sleeve
That’s why all my clothes are pretty fair ya know
That’s why I can’t sleep at all
That’s why when it hurts I don’t speak it
I just try to tell you what it means in the spectrum of things
But you never really get my perspective
You get this fucked version but i’m spare you it
I’m gonna tell you how it is for real

Every night been singing the same songs trying to feel it
Believing the same lies I have to deal with it
I have to live with this
The results of my actions, damn can’t get much realer
I can’t stop and beg your forgiveness
I’m on the line i either believe it or i fall through
So i have decided fuck it and move with it
Take my chances with my worst days
And hope for the better ones
Hope they are more fair and all
And dream about living somewhere far from you
I know no matter where i go,
My bed is too cold without you
So I’ll take it to the moon if they have me
And leave everyone who abandoned me,
And take it to the stars if they haven’t left me
Cause when it fades to black someone’s got me. 

(Source: themichaelryan)

Affirm Grace Under Pressure

In the guise of another man’s fingers, one tears apart and consumes what little madness he has left to. In sleepless nights that tear apart a dreamer’s life, we can only but assume such affliction benefits a larger spectrum. Like colors on display you can show no love unless the viewer has the perspective, but the colorblind still walk through life, and his tragedy was she did too. 

(Source: themichaelryan)

Looming Tree

I met a girl with long brown hair
Her eyes wide with something I had misplaced
Hope I suppose
I could taste it at first glance
You get to know those little signs
Like some plant desperate to grow
She had those hopeful glances
One shrugs them off
Her body was big
Not excessive mind you, just big 
And she was a looker
Like a looming oak

When she started to see me hesitate
I could see the damage beneath her laugh
There’s beauty in that they say
Damage that is
I suppose I should have written something nice for her
But when we departed I didn’t have the stomach for it
Sometimes being nice is nurturing a lie
Sometimes being nice isn’t nice at all
Sometimes you just have to cut off the branches.  

(Source: themichaelryan)

Window Pain

It’s crazy how life can go so slow,
And the next day you’re flying solo,
Keep thinking about the past that’ll never reach ya,
Until you’re trapped beneath what people wanna feed ya,
But you better wake up when you need to,
And you gotta keep your mind on what it believes, true.

I’ve never seen someone with so much passion,
Yet before I close my eyes, can you tear out the casket?
It’s where that beating fist used to go,
Now i’m drippin on wet paint, trying not to bleed through,
I keep it real only to keep myself a lil farther gone,
I can’t connect with these pedestrians consumed by greed,
Everything you want to try on,
Clothes can’t hide it all.

Hopefully it’s clear i don’t give a shit,
I don’t look out the window feeling real sensitive,
I drank myself to sleep again,
Rolling reefer in the clouds, not pretending it,
I hope my words start to sink through,
I hope the tide takes you,
I’m just being realistic,
And maybe too curious,
It’s all a stage to pretend, get it?

(Source: themichaelryan)

I wrote myself off before the story began.

(Source: themichaelryan)

Chalk Lines

I swear I woke up alone
Yet I could feel you next to me
Behind the paces I got love
But I’m just a king without a crown
And you’re just lost without a cause
It seems twisted but that’s who we are
No that’s who you were
I stole the dark from the light
Just to show you negatives can make better pictures
But if you keep going down the same road
I’ll lose your soul trying to pave something of my own
When you get to your crossroads try turning your back
I’ll just keep going
Roll with the punches
Evade the backstabbing
I was hated before I was loved
So all this pain never escaped
And fuck it I’m over it. 

Change Of Pace

She said “Can you take me here so alone?”
Without a sense of comfort
I’m wrapped in the stress, the drama
I guess twisted is what it’s called
I’m all my bad habits
I got this, I have the means to live past this
So why am I always staring at my feet
Can’t face the words that truly matter
Everyone on about the weather like it ever did a thing
Strong hearts but weak hands,
Like great minds and sharp tongues
We live for ourselves like it was the right path

When every moment is as rich as this
I just want to sink my teeth right into it
God damn this is a mess
Every story I told, I’m questioning it’s sense
What do I look forward to?
What a way to live
With nothing to hold onto
We leave with no sense of turning back
But everything is so dark, everything so black
And if I say the right things can I persuade you to take a stab
How about you choke on the nervous laughs that kept this intact. 

(Source: themichaelryan)

Find It All

All my troubles dancing
My mind awakes to stranger sounds
Madness consumes fragile thoughts
Touch all these broken faults
These lines where the sun gets up
Who could let this keep?
Feel the paces beneath the breathing
Everyone waiting to start
All my troubles dancing

I don’t mind
I don’t know




 

(Source: themichaelryan)